Fully identifying the multi layers of specific issues both present and past, are the best way to understanding the maladaptive patterns, frustrations, hurt feelings, not accurately hearing each other, and lack of trust.

It is a painful tragedy that people who both love each other and mean each other well, are often not successful in having each other actually experience this.

The good news, is that when just one of the people in either a couples relationship, or a family relationship makes a real change, it automatically makes a change in the entire system.

My two decades of experience have demonstrated to me the usefulness of integrating individual therapy, simultaneously with couples or family therapy. I often find some some individual therapy is often an effective prerequisite to effective couples therapy.

I have also come to strongly believe in the efficacy of having one therapist for just the couples therapy, while using separate therapists for each partner to have their own separate individual therapist. This creates an environment where the individual is fully safe to explore their own issues with both full disclosure and freedom. It also prevents any naturally occurring dynamic of a client worrying that the couples therapist is or is not, on one side of the couple. Therefore, I traditionally work with one of the individuals in the relationship, and refer to one of my colleagues who specialize in couples therapy, to provide services to both members of the couple in the room at the same time.